TEARDROPS OF MY PROPHET
I stood confused looking around. Where was I? My white dress swirled as I
walked, the light breeze blowing my hair back. I inhaled sharply. It
was...beautiful. Everywhere I looked. The green grass was so green that it made
my eyes look nothing but dull. There were flowers of all colors scattered
everywhere. Mountains were really tall with water flowing smoothly the way water
runs down your fingers. I smiled with giddy. A beautiful garden I suppose.
Throwing up my arms, I spun and spun, making my dress rise up to my knees. I was
barefoot but I could care less. The grass was soft as a baby’s skin. Flipping
back my curly hair, I ran through the meadow. I never wanted to leave. The sky
hung low. I reached up and passed my fingers through the clouds. It felt funny I
thought giggling. Softer than cotton candy. Bending down I scooped up a flower.
It was a simple purple flower but there was something about it. It wasn’t fully
bloomed yet. I closed my palms around it then after a thought opened it. I
yelped in surprise. It sat in my hands now fully bloomed with a kind of glow
around it. Wow. Everything here was so fragile and beautiful. I've never seen
such beauty before. Imagine living here but... I would love living here. I
really would but there’s no one here. No animals, no incest’s, no living thing.
How was I supposed to live without communicating? I communicated 95% through the
day. However, there was something about this place. I really couldn’t tell.
Something that made me want to forget all my worries and fears. All I thought of
was happiness. Memorises flew through my mind. Of the time at my birthday; best
16th birthday party ever. My dad got me a
new
car. And the time I was crowned prom queen. All the happy times with my
family and friends. The memorises were great but it was missing something.
Something of who I am. I shook my head. Oh Gosh, why worry when I can enjoy?
Rising to my feet, I brushed the dirt off my dress. That's when I noticed.
OhmyGod, I quickly darted to a near lake and gazed down. Wow. I was wearing the
most stunning dress ever. It was pure silk and white as snow. Running my hands
over it, it felt like velvet instead. There was gold trimming the neckline and
the sleeves. The dress hugged around my waist the rippled down in a flow.
Humming to myself, I walked on. It was a never ending garden. Whoever lived
here was so lucky. They had everything. I only had to imagine it and it would
appear. On cue, I shut my eyes thinking. I opened them and looked down at my
fingers and squealed. There on my hand was an
amazing
diamond ring. So worth it. Smiling gaily to myself I walked on and on. Then I
came to an opening. It was very bright. I went inside wondering. I could now
hear birds chirping. Nice. I went in further and then, I saw him. It was a man
wearing a robe that was whiter than mine and looked way better.
“Hello?” I
said uncertain. Was he the owner of this garden? Oh God, what if he kicks me
out.
“Umm...Sir?” I inquired.
“What did I do wrong” he asked
quietly.
His voice was soft and sounded like a melody; a beautiful musical
instrument. He turned gracefully and faced me. I felt my heart drop. This
couldn’t be real. No, it just couldn’t. I-I-, No, it wasn’t possible. I opened
my mouth to say something but only a gasp came out. Standing there in front of
my impure eyes, was Allah’s (swt) most beloved servant. He was...not even
beautiful could describe his beauty. The glow of his face outshined the glow of
the moon and the glow of all the other beauty in the universe. His hair was dark
and came down to his shoulders. His lips were redder than a bloomed red rose.
Every bone, every structure in his face was just perfect. He was gazing at me
with such a sad look, it broke my heart. His eyes were twinkling like stars but
there were wet. I realized then to my horror that there was teardrops rolling
down his check. Each tear sparkled in the sunlight, like tiny crystals. I
gulped. I didn’t know what to do, what to say. I didn’t even know how I got the
honour to stand in front of the Nabi of Allah.
You see, if standing here was
Paul Wesley or some other famous person, I would’ve screamed, jumped and hugged
the person. But I couldn’t move now. I was standing in front of the most beloved
person in the world and I could barely make myself breath. I dropped my eyes. I
couldn’t look at him. How could I? I was the biggest sinner. I did everything
wrong, yet here I was. This was unimaginable. I couldn’t even dream of myself in
his presences. My heart thumped rapidly, my palms getting sweaty. I glanced up
and lost myself in his beauty. It knocked out such a force of me I couldn’t
bring myself to look away.
“Muhammad (saw)” I whispered. I inhaled sharply. I
really was here
“What did I do wrong” he repeated his voice sending a good
shiver down my back. I panicked. Wrong? I wanted to suddenly laugh then. How
could he do anything ever wrong? He was so pure.
“What-what do you mean. You
could never do anything wrong” I said my voice barely a whisper. He looked away
then.
“I must’ve. Or else nothing would be this corrupted” he replied.
I
grimaced. I had a bad feeling. I shut my eyes then expecting him to yell now. I
know, I would. But he didn’t. He didn’t raise his voice nor did he glare. His
eyes were sad but kind. He was smiling that stunning smile that made butterflies
in my stomach fly.
“What's wrong?” I asked even though I knew the answer. He
sighed which made me cringed. He shouldn’t be sighing. He should be happy and
laughing. He sat down and after a moment of panic thinking, I went and sat down
next to him. My legs felt like jelly and the organs inside my body were
screaming. I was sitting beside my prophet. It was decided. There was no way I
was leaving now.
“I did everything I could” he said softly after a moment of
silence. I glanced him and my heart sank. He had that sad expression on again.
But he didn’t stop this time.
“I tried and did my best. Day and night I
thought of you all. I gave up my sleep and free time, begging Allah (swt) to
forgive you all, to grant you happiness and to guide you. I would cry and think
of how you will face the day of Qiyaamah. And all you had to do was to obey
Allah (swt) and follow my Sunnah. To never hurt your parents and wear your Imaan
like a shirt. To not embarrass me in front of my Lord. How will I face him and
watch my Ummah follow shaytaan into hell? Before I left the dunya, my only
thoughts were of my Ummah” he smiled then at me, “I would do all of it again and
again. My Ummah means everything to me and I cannot watch a single person burn
in the hell fire. But it is so hard to watch up from here and see them
mislead”.
Tears burned my eyes, my throat felt chocked up. I was speechless.
His words had shattered me. He still loves us, even after all the pain we cause
him every single day. He prayed for us every single day, and we cannot even send
Durood on him one day. I hated myself then and everyone like me. How could we be
so selfish and hurt him like that? Did we not see who he is and how much he’s
done for us?
“Look” he said pulling me out of my I-Hate-myself thoughts. I
followed his look and looked down. I had to clasp my hand over my mouth from
screaming. From the top of Jannah, the place down below was a black hole.
Everywhere was darkness. And the thing that made my blood curl was, it was all
us. The Ummah. Heat flamed in my face, out of shame and I couldn’t help myself.
I dropped to the ground sobbing. What have we done? After all he did. He spent
his whole life praying for us, and now when he watched us, we only caused him
great pain day by day.
Hands soft as a new born baby wrapped around me then.
He pulled me up and gently wiped a falling tear. I expected him then to tell me
its okay, even though it wasn’t. It’s what everyone does. Hide the truth. But he
didn’t. Only wisdom flowed out of his beautiful lips.
“Crying is good for the
heart but Tuabaa is better for the heart6 and soul”. When he said that it made
me cry even harder.
“I-I-I’m so sorry. I really am. I’m a horrible person. I
promise all the wrong acts I did, I never meant to hurt you and I never intended
to disobey Allah (swt” I cried.
“You should always fear and love Allah (swt)
and remember that I will still pray for you and the rest of the Ummah”.
I
sighed. Was there anyone sweeter than him? Of course not. Then a thought sprang
in my mind.
“Ya Nabi of Allah (swt)! There are good people too. Not all of
them are bad. There are so many pious Molana’s and sheiks and so many of them is
the walee of Allah (swt)” I told him excited.
“My Ummah” was all he said but
I could hear the pride and everything else in it.
“Then why did you choose
me? I am a horrible person and am not worthy of you” I told him reluctantly. I
didn’t want to. I wanted him so see me as a good Muslimah and be happy with me.
But I couldn’t lie. He shook his head.
“You’re heart is good. There is
something in you, which Allah (swt) likes. You always seek the good in everyone
and have never given up faith in Allah (swt) during the hardest times in your
life. Don’t let go now either. Allah (swt) loves his slaves” he objected. A huge
grin split on my face, my heart filled with joy. I’ve never heard anything
better.
“I will do Tuabaa and beg Allah (swt) to forgive me. I promise you I
will never hurt you again or forget my purpose of a Muslim. I will make you
proud Ya Nabi of Allah (swt). I will not disappoint you and will try my best to
help the Ummah” I promised. His smile was to swoon for.
“But how will I help
the whole Ummah? I mean, I am just one girl” I inquired.
“Du’aa. It’s the
most powerful and the most beautiful supplication ever. Allah (swt) never
refuses and it can change everything”. I smiled sweetly then out of joy, I held
my arms out and spun and spun......
I woke up with a gasp. I look around,
holding a hand to my chest. I was once more in my jammies and in my room. A
dream, just a beautiful, amazing dream. That's when I felt it. Opening my palm,
I took a deep breath when I see them. There in my hand laid shiny crystals
shaped as teardrops.
from the guns behind
