I
stood confused looking around. Where was I? My white dress swirled as I walked,
the light breeze blowing my hair back. I inhaled sharply. It was...beautiful.
Everywhere I looked. The green grass was so green that it made my eyes look
nothing but dull. There were flowers of all colors scattered everywhere.
Mountains were really tall with water flowing smoothly the way water runs down
your fingers. I smiled with giddy. A beautiful garden I suppose. Throwing up my
arms, I spun and spun, making my dress rise up to my knees. I was barefoot but I
could care less. The grass was soft as a baby’s skin. Flipping back my curly
hair, I ran through the meadow. I never wanted to leave. The sky hung low. I
reached up and passed my fingers through the clouds. It felt funny I thought
giggling. Softer than cotton candy. Bending down I scooped up a flower. It was a
simple purple flower but there was something about it. It wasn’t fully bloomed
yet. I closed my palms around it then after a thought opened it. I yelped in
surprise. It sat in my hands now fully bloomed with a kind of glow around it.
Wow. Everything here was so fragile and beautiful. I've never seen such beauty
before. Imagine living here but... I would love living here. I really would but
there’s no one here. No animals, no incest’s, no living thing. How was I
supposed to live without communicating? I communicated 95% through the day.
However, there was something about this place. I really couldn’t tell. Something
that made me want to forget all my worries and fears. All I thought of was
happiness. Memorises flew through my mind. Of the time at my birthday; best 16th
birthday party ever. My dad got me a new car. And the time I was crowned prom
queen. All the happy times with my family and friends. The memorises were great
but it was missing something. Something of who I am. I shook my head. Oh Gosh,
why worry when I can enjoy? Rising to my feet, I brushed the dirt off my dress.
That's when I noticed. OhmyGod, I quickly darted to a near lake and gazed down.
Wow. I was wearing the most stunning dress ever. It was pure silk and white as
snow. Running my hands over it, it felt like velvet instead. There was gold
trimming the neckline and the sleeves. The dress hugged around my waist the
rippled down in a flow.
Humming
to myself, I walked on. It was a never ending garden. Whoever lived here was so
lucky. They had everything. I only had to imagine it and it would appear. On
cue, I shut my eyes thinking. I opened them and looked down at my fingers and
squealed. There on my hand was an amazing
diamond ring. So worth it. Smiling gaily to myself I walked on and on. Then I
came to an opening. It was very bright. I went inside wondering. I could now
hear birds chirping. Nice. I went in further and then, I saw him. It was a man
wearing a robe that was whiter than mine and looked way better.
“Hello?”
I said uncertain. Was he the owner of this garden? Oh God, what if he kicks me
out.
“Umm...Sir?”
I inquired.
“What
did I do wrong” he asked quietly.
His
voice was soft and sounded like a melody; a beautiful musical instrument. He
turned gracefully and faced me. I felt my heart drop. This couldn’t be real. No,
it just couldn’t. I-I-, No, it wasn’t possible. I opened my mouth to say
something but only a gasp came out. Standing there in front of my impure eyes,
was Allah’s (swt) most beloved servant. He was...not even beautiful could
describe his beauty. The glow of his face outshined the glow of the moon and the
glow of all the other beauty in the universe. His hair was dark and came down to
his shoulders. His lips were redder than a bloomed red rose. Every bone, every
structure in his face was just perfect. He was gazing at me with such a sad
look, it broke my heart. His eyes were twinkling like stars but there were wet.
I realized then to my horror that there was teardrops rolling down his check.
Each tear sparkled in the sunlight, like tiny crystals. I gulped. I didn’t know
what to do, what to say. I didn’t even know how I got the honour to stand in
front of the Nabi of Allah.
You
see, if standing here was Paul Wesley or some other famous person, I would’ve
screamed, jumped and hugged the person. But I couldn’t move now. I was standing
in front of the most beloved person in the world and I could barely make myself
breath. I dropped my eyes. I couldn’t look at him. How could I? I was the
biggest sinner. I did everything wrong, yet here I was. This was unimaginable. I
couldn’t even dream of myself in his presences. My heart thumped rapidly, my
palms getting sweaty. I glanced up and lost myself in his beauty. It knocked out
such a force of me I couldn’t bring myself to look away.
“Muhammad
(saw)” I whispered. I inhaled sharply. I really was here
“What
did I do wrong” he repeated his voice sending a good shiver down my back. I
panicked. Wrong? I wanted to suddenly laugh then. How could he do anything ever
wrong? He was so pure.
“What-what
do you mean. You could never do anything wrong” I said my voice barely a
whisper. He looked away then.
“I
must’ve. Or else nothing would be this corrupted” he replied.
I
grimaced. I had a bad feeling. I shut my eyes then expecting him to yell now. I
know, I would. But he didn’t. He didn’t raise his voice nor did he glare. His
eyes were sad but kind. He was smiling that stunning smile that made butterflies
in my stomach fly.
“What's
wrong?” I asked even though I knew the answer. He sighed which made me cringed.
He shouldn’t be sighing. He should be happy and laughing. He sat down and after
a moment of panic thinking, I went and sat down next to him. My legs felt like
jelly and the organs inside my body were screaming. I was sitting beside my
prophet. It was decided. There was no way I was leaving now.
“I
did everything I could” he said softly after a moment of silence. I glanced him
and my heart sank. He had that sad expression on again. But he didn’t stop this
time.
“I
tried and did my best. Day and night I thought of you all. I gave up my sleep
and free time, begging Allah (swt) to forgive you all, to grant you happiness
and to guide you. I would cry and think of how you will face the day of
Qiyaamah. And all you had to do was to obey Allah (swt) and follow my Sunnah. To
never hurt your parents and wear your Imaan like a shirt. To not embarrass me in
front of my Lord. How will I face him and watch my Ummah follow shaytaan into
hell? Before I left the dunya, my only thoughts were of my Ummah” he smiled then
at me, “I would do all of it again and again. My Ummah means everything to me
and I cannot watch a single person burn in the hell fire. But it is so hard to
watch up from here and see them mislead”.
Tears
burned my eyes, my throat felt chocked up. I was speechless. His words had
shattered me. He still loves us, even after all the pain we cause him every
single day. He prayed for us every single day, and we cannot even send Durood on
him one day. I hated myself then and everyone like me. How could we be so
selfish and hurt him like that? Did we not see who he is and how much he’s done
for us?
“Look”
he said pulling me out of my I-Hate-myself thoughts. I followed his look and
looked down. I had to clasp my hand over my mouth from screaming. From the top
of Jannah, the place down below was a black hole. Everywhere was darkness. And
the thing that made my blood curl was, it was all us. The Ummah. Heat flamed in
my face, out of shame and I couldn’t help myself. I dropped to the ground
sobbing. What have we done? After all he did. He spent his whole life praying
for us, and now when he watched us, we only caused him great pain day by
day.
Hands
soft as a new born baby wrapped around me then. He pulled me up and gently wiped
a falling tear. I expected him then to tell me its okay, even though it wasn’t.
It’s what everyone does. Hide the truth. But he didn’t. Only wisdom flowed out
of his beautiful lips.
“Crying
is good for the heart but Tuabaa is better for the heart6 and soul”. When he
said that it made me cry even harder.
“I-I-I’m
so sorry. I really am. I’m a horrible person. I promise all the wrong acts I
did, I never meant to hurt you and I never intended to disobey Allah (swt” I
cried.
“You
should always fear and love Allah (swt) and remember that I will still pray for
you and the rest of the Ummah”.
I
sighed. Was there anyone sweeter than him? Of course not. Then a thought sprang
in my mind.
“Ya
Nabi of Allah (swt)! There are good people too. Not all of them are bad. There
are so many pious Molana’s and sheiks and so many of them is the walee of Allah
(swt)” I told him excited.
“My
Ummah” was all he said but I could hear the pride and everything else in
it.
“Then
why did you choose me? I am a horrible person and am not worthy of you” I told
him reluctantly. I didn’t want to. I wanted him so see me as a good Muslimah and
be happy with me. But I couldn’t lie. He shook his head.
“You’re
heart is good. There is something in you, which Allah (swt) likes. You always
seek the good in everyone and have never given up faith in Allah (swt) during
the hardest times in your life. Don’t let go now either. Allah (swt) loves his
slaves” he objected. A huge grin split on my face, my heart filled with joy.
I’ve never heard anything better.
“I
will do Tuabaa and beg Allah (swt) to forgive me. I promise you I will never
hurt you again or forget my purpose of a Muslim. I will make you proud Ya Nabi
of Allah (swt). I will not disappoint you and will try my best to help the
Ummah” I promised. His smile was to swoon for.
“But
how will I help the whole Ummah? I mean, I am just one girl” I
inquired.
“Du’aa.
It’s the most powerful and the most beautiful supplication ever. Allah (swt)
never refuses and it can change everything”. I smiled sweetly then out of joy, I
held my arms out and spun and spun......
I
woke up with a gasp. I look around, holding a hand to my chest. I was once more
in my jammies and in my room. A dream, just a beautiful, amazing dream. That's
when I felt it. Opening my palm, I took a deep breath when I see them. There in
my hand laid shiny crystals shaped as teardrops.
By: Shyra
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